Chapter Six: THE HUSBAND LIST

Chapter Six: THE HUSBAND LIST I’ve had four marriages. Yes, four… My first husband, Mark, is now one of my closest girlfriends, Marcie. Bodies were never my priority. Souls are. He needed to become a woman to find happiness. When you truly love someone, you want them to be happy. Now, she is still one of the dearest, most talented, most loving souls I know. My life has been enhanced by sharing this life with her. We are soul mates. My second husband, Richard, had so much potential. But his demons got the best of him, and the best of me. This vital person died homeless on the streets. I would have helped him had I only known. Such a tragic waste. I did have a few months of marriage to a third husband, also named Richard, but that was temporary insanity resulting from a traumatic rebound period. He was a safety net containing holes. One should never marry a safety net. One should create her own. Husband number four was the keeper. Gene is not just my Prince. He’s a King. Now, one might think that would make me a queen by default. It doesn’t. It only allows me the opportunity to become one by following in his beautiful example. It’s kind of funny that husbands number two and three were both named Richard and they both wore toupees. I still make a joke wherein I say “I married two dicks with no hair.” In fact, I even wrote a little ditty about that. (Warning: I like blue humor) I married two Richards That was a mistake Both of those “dicks” Had hair that was fake My love life Was going down the drain Thank God there were no hairballs To add to my pain Little Dickie, Little Dickie You were just a pickle In my Big Mac Little Dickie, Little Dickie You were so small I had to throw you back