Trading Spaces: Elvis versus Cher (Part 3: The Not-So-Grand Finale)

Okay, so you know your girlfriend, Janell, is a neat freak.  So, when you are standing in her office looking down upon a ton of shredded paper that you've just been asked to glue upon your friend's wall, what do you do?  Well, you can explain to the designer, Hildi, that your friends hate clutter and that they have two little kids who will pick the pieces of paper off the wall and eat it!  Will it do any good?  NO!

So, tens of thousands of little pieces of shredded paper ended up on Matt and Janell's wall, along with inside plexiglass columns used for a desk.

Oh, and speaking of plexiglass columns...my husband, Gene, was asked to hold a piece of one of those columns while the glue dried.  Unfortunately, his finger got GLUED to the column for OVER AN HOUR while they figured out how to free him!  I was so upset because he needs his fingers to play his horns and piano, not to mention for other things.  They were asking around as to the best way to unglue him.  I suggested acetone, but there was none to be found in the house.  So, I called my sister and asked her to bring some acetone to the set.  She did.  Gene's finger was soaked and drowned in acetone and then, the star of the show, Paige Davis, took a razor blade and shaved his finger free.  I was NOT amused.  I wanted to take the razor to my husband's finger myself.  But, Paige did a good job and we were able to move onto our next chore.

The joy of varnishing wood in closed quarters!  Yes, the smell, the fumes, the HIGH!  I had to quit and leave this task to my husband with the now shaved finger.  The varnished shelves were not even fully dry when we had to assemble the bookcase.  Bummer.

Then came the reveals of our respective offices!  Thinking that I was going to reap the future promotion of my "WOWgirls" project (since I had mentioned it 74 times while taping,) I pretended to love the finished product of my office.  Let's see.  A cheap white rug was laid over my old black carpet.  My walls were now done in a pitiful version of Venetian plaster.  Cheap chairs and a bookcase were added along with some horrible chrome lamps.  I LOVED the WOWgirl painting on the wall, though.  It was copied from an original costume sketch done by a talented artist, costume designer and good friend, Rebecca Gaston.  Note, the original girl in the sketch had blonde hair, but since Janell was designated as the lead WOWgirl, she asked that the wall painting have brown hair like hers!  Love her for that!  LOL!

But, the name "WOWgirl" was NEVER mentioned in the show after creative editing out of my 74 attempts of promoting it.  So, no one even knew what the painting on the wall was even about.

My expensive Murano glass chandelier was taken from my spare bedroom and placed in the ceiling of my new office along with the two matching Venetian mirrors I had hanging in my guest bathroom.  Oh, and they put a few nice dings in my custom vanity while taking down those imported mirrors.  Nice.

My Italian fruitwood desk which I asked them NOT to touch, was now covered in material befitting a little girl's birthday party.  But, at least the curtains matched!  Yikes!

Oh, that's my friend, Matt Lewis, who plays "Elvis" for the Legends in Concert show at Harrah's here in Vegas.  What a good sport.  He and Janell had to now face THEIR office...

Needless to say, they were NOT happy!  Poor Janell!  She later told me that she was sooooo angry but she held it together.  But, there was more I had to tell her.  You see, they wanted to PAINT the lovely, tan Mexican tile that Matt and Janell had on their floor!!!!!  YES!!!!  They were going to PAINT the tile RED!!!!!!  Do you know how expensive that would have been to replace?  It went from the office and extended to the rest of the bottom floor of the house.  So, they would have had to try to match it as well!  So, I intervened when I heard them discussing this paint job.  I lied to them.  I said that Matt and Janell were only RENTING the house and that they really should not paint the freakin' tile!  They argued a bit, but the tile was left alone, thank God!

It took Matt five days to scrape the shredded paper off of the walls.  We were all left with horrific messes to clean up from the aftermath.

The floors were covered in dirt and debris.  Spoons and other items were left outside and our homes needed an entire cleaning.  Of course, they asked us at 2am if we wanted them to help clean up.  But, we just wanted them all to go away so we could get some sleep.

Was it worth doing the show?  NO!  Would we advise anybody else to do the show?  NO!  But, the crew was delightful to work with as were the stars.

Matt and Janell kept the bookcase and the desk in their office.  Everything else was changed.  As for my office, I decided not to move my pink chandelier out of there because they cut the chain and I could not find the extra pieces.  I also kept the WOWgirl painting that was done on my wall from an original costume sketch by artist and good friend, Rebecca Gaston.  Note, the original sketch had a blonde-haired WOWgirl, but since Janell was designated as the lead WOWgirl, she asked them to give the painting brown hair like herself.  I love her for that!  LOL.

Everything else was taken out of there except for one little tacky decor item which I now cherish.  You see, the designer had purchased a small, blinged out picture frame for my office but they did not have a photo to place inside of it.  So, Matt fetched a picture of himself as "Elvis" and humorously placed it inside of the frame.

This little item will forever make me think of my admiration for my friends, Matt and Janell.  But, it also serves as a constant reminder that LAUGHTER IS KING!

What Men Should Know About Women

It has been said that "Women are from Venus and men are from Mars."  While there are several interesting tidbits to warrant such a statement, this slanted concentration on the DIFFERENCES may not be the answer toward a deeper understanding between men and women.  If it were, the deeper understanding would be more evident.  I don't see it yet.  So, there must be some missing information.

While there are differences in the BODY, and resultant differences in what society has enforced as acceptable BEHAVIOR regarding the two sexes, there are more SIMILARITIES than one might realize.

Let's start with the supposition that we are NOT our bodies, but that we are SPIRITUAL beings who inhabit bodies much like drivers who drive cars.  You don't have to believe that we are spiritual beings to see how workable it is.  Humor me and come along for the ride.

What are the three key ingredients in ANY relationship?  Do you know? 

COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION, COMMUNICATION!

Okay, so that sounds feasible, doesn't it?    But, now I must ask you, "Do you know the actual ingredients of an ideal cycle of communication?"  If you don't, then how are you going to control any of your communication cycles with another person, especially one of the opposite sex?

Just as the painter must know how to mix his paint colors and how to place those colors upon a canvass in order to obtain his ideal painting, so must the creator of a relationship know the tools of communication in order to obtain his ideal "painting."

It is this lack of understanding of the tools of communication which is responsible for ALL communication breakdowns!

Unfortunately, it takes TWO to tango.  So, all parties involved in any communication cycle need to know the tools in order to create the ideal result.  But for now, let's just deal with the communication between a man and a woman.

Usually, a man and a woman meet and talk.  If that goes well, they meet and talk some more.  If that goes well, they get romantic.  If that goes well, they date.  If that goes well, they get can get married.  If that goes well, they may have a family.  If all of that goes well, they do not divorce and live happily ever after.

Obviously, things don't always go well and relationships fail.  Could there possibly be some tools which could give someone a better chance to make a relationship succeed?  YES!

Let's start with a basic formula for the cycle of communication.  As with most of my information, it originates from my mentor, L. Ron Hubbard.  His definition of a communication cycle is as follows:

"Cause, Distance, Effect with Intention, Attention, Duplication and Understanding."

I know. That's a bit confusing at first.  So, let's just break it down for easier understanding.

Joe sees Mary at a party.  He's attracted to her.  So, he wants to begin or CAUSE a communication with her.  Mary is on the other side of the room.  So, Joe must make sure his communication reaches her over that DISTANCE.  Thus, he walks over to her rather than to yell or send her a note.

Now, he wants Mary to like him.  That is the EFFECT or result he hoping to obtain.  So, he uses his INTENTION (or desire to make it happen) and places his ATTENTION on her.  He then gets her ATTENTION by introducing himself and he hopefully finds out that she DUPLICATED exactly what he said and UNDERSTOOD it by introducing herself to him.

That's simple enough.  But, how could even this simple exchange of communication go wrong if one of those steps were not correctly done?  Let's take a look.

Joe sees Mary at a party.   He's attracted to her.  So, he wants to begin or CAUSE a communication with her.  Mary is on the other side of the room.  So, Joe must make sure his communication reaches her over that DISTANCE.  He is too shy to walk over to where she is standing.  So, he smiles at her from his side of the room.  She does not SEE the smile.  Thus, his communication did not travel the distance over to Mary.  JOE DID NOT GET HER ATTENTION FIRST!  You cannot communicate to a person without having their attention.

Okay, so let's say that Mary WAS looking at Joe when he smiled at her.  And then, let's say Mary turned away because she found Joe attractive but was embarrassed.  Joe did CAUSE the communication over the DISTANCE.  He had Mary's ATTENTION and his INTENTION was to create the EFFECT of her smiling back at him.  He did not get the desired EFFECT.  What part was missing here?

HE DID NOT DUPLICATE AND UNDERSTAND HER RETURN OF THE COMMUNICATION CYCLE.

Mary was the CAUSE of her response to Joe's smile.  That response was a shy turn of her head.  She had Joe's ATTENTION over the DISTANCE.  But, she lacked the INTENTION to create the EFFECT of showing Joe that she liked his smile.  Thus NO DUPLICATION OR UNDERSTANDING took place!!!!  Can you see that?  Not completing one part of this simple formula can create a total MISUNDERSTANDING.

If Joe knew the communication formula, he could have then wondered why she turned away rather than to assume she rejected his smile.  He may have walked over to her and introduced himself to see her response.  By further communication with ALL  the parts of the formula in tact, he could then know if Mary were really interested or not.  This one little item could be the difference between success and failure in creating a relationship.  But, I have more to "Cher..."



(If you find this topic of interest and wish to learn a few more tools on how to create a relationship as well as insight into the male/female roles, mental and emotional "filters," female expectations and others such tidbits, please leave a comment on my blog after first joining "google."  If I get enough comments and hopefully more people clicking the "FOLLOW" button to join my blog, I will CAUSE more communication over the DISTANCE of the net and "Cher" more personal insights regarding "What Men Should Know About Women.")

Do You Believe? (How to Rekindle a Goal)

(Claude Monet's Water Lily Pond in France)

Just as the great French artist, Monet, created his own Water Lily pond in order to paint it, I believe most people want to create something special within their lifetime.  They yearn for a sense of accomplishment; a reason for having lived.  It is that inner drive which propels us toward our heart's desires.  But for some, that inner drive gets beaten down so many times that the light within it simply burns out.  Failure upon failure upon failure stack up and smother a person's goals to death.

This is where you have the drunk at the bar who complains about how everyone is against him while he numbs the pain with a six-pack or two.  This is the place where a person, so afraid of having one more failure,  would choose to throw a friend under the bus rather than have to start over one more time.  This is where a lie becomes the only form of creativity and the liar walks a tight rope over a dark abyss.

Have you ever seen what happens when you put someone filled with the joy of creating, next to someone who doesn't give a damn?  What do you think would happen?  Would the joyous person lift the apathetic nay-sayer upward into a level of interest?  Or, would the reverse eventually ensue?

Let me put it another way.  Say you are a singer ready to perform in a show.  And, let's say your sound man is not the brightest star in the sky.  Is your wonderful performance going to enhance his apathetic sound?   Or, is his apathetic sound going to downgrade your wonderful performance?  Now, you're getting the picture.

So, what do you do when your power is being diminished by those who vibrate at a much lower frequency around you?  You have two choices.  You can either handle the scene by replacing those lower-level persons with those of a like energy, OR you can get out of Dodge on a swift horse.  Don't think for a minute that things will change on their own.  THEY WON'T!

I have seen so many wonderfully talented artists/performers who have gotten stuck in shows where their gorgeous artistry has been degraded much like placing a moustache on the Mona Lisa.  I have personally witnessed this numerous times in my over twenty years as a top impersonator, and for over twenty years before that while performing in school plays, biker bars, casino lounges, showrooms and more.

I cannot tell you how many times I had to fight with the male leader of the band, in which I was the "chick singer," to turn my microphone up!  (Can I have a "high five," ladies?)

Oh, and one of my more recent favorites was when I was working in a show in Vegas and they had me choreographed in an area on the stage that had absolutely NO monitor coverage whatsoever!  Now, how's that for production expertise?

Then, there are those special memories where you are "too hip for the room" and get devoured by those who are threatened by your power.  That is always delightful...

Here's the bigger point I am trying to make.  All of those times when you've had to battle with the lower-level beings who have degraded you in one way or another, well, those times act exactly like FAILURES which pile up, one on top of the other, upon YOUR goals!  Do you see that?  All of those times when you've gone out there with the intention to kick major ass, only to have someone else cause your work of art to become less...well, those become failures for YOU.

Okay, so you still have the desire to create something with your talents.  But, it may not have all the zest behind it that it once had.  There have been too many times you've tried to create magic and have been stopped or hindered by someone else.  So, now you just roll with the punches and accept that you are not talented enough or not connected enough or not "something else" enough.  Well, I'm here to tell you that the only thing that has been wrong this entire time is that you did not have the ideal situations in which to create your art.

I remember being privileged enough to sing on a superstar's PA system, microphone, monitors and such, with a top sound man in a hall that seated fourteen-thousand people.  OMG!  It was my first time ever being able to experience the IDEAL SCENE in all of its glory!  I sounded like a superstar when I sang through that system.  And you know what?  I had fourteen thousand people light their lighters and hold them up for ME!  But, when I most recently sang in that Vegas show in an area of the stage where there was NO monitor coverage and with the sound being horrific, well, my own sister said I did not sound like me at all.

If you ever believed you had the talent to create something special in this world, well I want you to know that God would not have given you that desire if you did not have something in you worthy of it!


You might be thinking, "But, I'm too old now...or out of practice...or it's been too long...or I just don't have the drive anymore."  That PURPOSE which once fueled your desire just needs to be rekindled!  Ask yourself, "Why did I want to do that thing in the first place?  Why?  What was the purpose behind it?"  Find the answer to THAT, and then hold onto that purpose for dear life.  If no one did that, there'd be nothing hanging in the Louvre...

(The Louve Museum.  Paris, France)

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

Have you heard the song "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves?"  Well, the lyrics talk about selling "another bottle of Dr. Good."  What I'd like to talk about is the selling of a "bill of goods" by those not-so-honest folks who look out for number one to the detriment of others. 

I recently felt like someone cut off my left foot while giving me a shoe to cover the right foot, and then told me I should be thankful for the one right shoe!  WHAT?  Really?

On top of that, I was one of the few willing to "sweep up the blood" of not only my own foot, but of the other feet that had been cut off as well.  I saw a bloody floor, so I picked up a mop.  Do you know that even people with severed feet do not think highly of a person coming in to clean up their blood?

There will always be people who will try to take advantage of you.  You just have to know how to recognize them when you see them.   So, I thought I'd give you a few pointers.

A truth which you might find very useful, states:  "Wherever you find a carping criticism about you by another, you will also find an underlying hidden transgression against you by that carping critic."  Let me give you an example.  You hear that Joe Blow is saying nasty things about you.  Your first instinct is to defend yourself against those nasty lies, right?   Well, since truth always has to exist for a lie to come along to twist it, your first action would be to place the truth where the lie now sits.  Do this by gathering actual data to combat the lie and present it in a sane manner.  This should at least expose the lies as such.

However, behind every lie or horrible criticism, there is a hidden transgression against you.  Did you get that?  If someone is dissing you, well, they've done something TO YOU or someone in their memory like you!   Joe Blow is saying nasty things about you behind your back?  Find out what Joe Blow has done TO YOU that he is hiding!   Bring that out into the open and clear it up, and you now have a clean canvass on which to paint.

Okay, so you might ask, "Well, all I did was help and I got slammed for it.  How does that fit into this?"  I will tell you how.

Remember earlier how I was using the analogy of my "cleaning up everyone's blood?"  What if, intentionally or even non-intentionally, the someone who was criticizing you had some piece of responsibility in the initial bloodshed itself?  Hmmmm.  What if they felt guilty to some degree over the bloodshed and then you come in like Florence Nightingale with a big mop and start mopping?  Are they going to be grateful or are they going to feel like you grabbed the very mop THEY should have picked up themselves?  Or, if they are partly responsible for the bloodshed, then they now feel more guilty for whatever they DID to create it.  So, the person cleaning up becomes a target of that guilt.

I know.  So, that's why you think that you should just stop helping in order to cover your own butt.    If you do that, you will just be hand-cuffing your own hands...

The answer to anything is to communicate, communicate, communicate.   People are basically GOOD!  If they weren't, they would not feel guilty for anything, now would they?  So, you are actually doing them a favor by purging them of that thing for which they feel guilty.  It is very freeing for them, and thus for you!  But, it is not easy to get through a lightning storm.

A good friend, Hollie, shared some Native American wisdom last night.

She asked me, "Is it better to be a Buffalo or a Cow?"

I replied that I did not know, and she then said, "In a lightning storm, the cow runs from the lightning chasing it, but the buffalo runs through the storm and past it."

"I guess I'd rather be a buffalo!"


I don't think that PEOPLE are the "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves" of our lives.  I think the lack of understanding of true communication, along with the mechanisms of transgressions and their resultant behavioral patterns, are the real culprits!

Jesus said, "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."

Shakespeare said, "The criminal doth protest too much!"

L. Ron Hubbard said, "Full responsibility is not fault; it is recognition of being cause."

I say, "Do not just blame others for your own condition.  Learn how to unravel the ingredients of any given situation by understanding all the parts.  Through knowledge and responsibility we can all be more responsible for our fellows and control the lives of all concerned toward a better future!"

Live, learn, grow, love, prosper in all areas.  We are the captains of our own ship.  It is our responsibility to know how to read the map.  Happier sailing to you all!

Little Red Riding Impersonators and the Big, Bad Wolf

I heard something that was said by a "wolf in sheep's clothing" yesterday regarding impersonators.  He said we were all babies, he doesn't care about our show and that we basically don't work that hard for our money.

Normally, I would let words like that just roll off my back because they are childish and naive.  However, this particular "wolf" (Let's call him "Wolfie") happens to be managing an impersonator show.  That's like hiring a babysitter who hates kids!

Let's first discuss Wolfie's concept that impersonators do not work hard for their money, shall we?  For corporate events, I have opened for several real celebrities in my over twenty years of perfecting the "Cher" act.  During that time, I was made privy to the salaries of some real celebrities such as Jay Leno, who performed  a twenty minute stand-up act for $100,000 and the real Cher, who performed a one-nighter for one-million.

Artists are like diamonds.  The more rare and desired, the more the cost.

So, let's explore the world of impersonators from that perspective.  There may be thousands of impersonators out there who put on costumes and try to perform like the real celebrity.  But, when you want someone who is a dead-ringer in the looks, sound and mannersisms of a real celebrity, and who is a great performer to boot, well....WE ARE RARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I used to think that impersonators just didn't have enough talent in their own right, so they stepped into the role of somebody else in order to get work.  But, when I was offered three times the salary I was making as a lounge singer to go and perform in a show as "Cher," I was shocked at the degree of difficulty I encountered in trying to duplicate the real star.

Figuring out how to do my wig and make-up was the first step.  You should see my early Cher pictures.  Cute, but not spot on at all.  Then, there was costuming.  I wasted three-thousand dollars on my first round of costumes because they did not work.  Not only do the costumes have to be "Cher-like," but they have to allow for movement and singing and even quick-changes.

Next, came the singing voice.  I had to manipulate my throat in order to muffle the sound.  I had make my vocal cords not go together tightly so that they'd create a sort-of froggie flip sound.  I had to learn how do a faster vibrato because hers shakes quite rapidly.  I had to learn how to pronounce words like "love" and "time" with that interesting accent she somehow got from California!

The speaking voice was next.  Man, that was a hard mountain to climb.  But, I got it down.  Her movements were pretty simple; a pushing back of the hair, a sway of the tongue over the teeth, a hand bent in front, some skipping and of course, some antagonistic takes to the audience whenever I'd make a witty remark.

Oh, speaking of witty remarks, I had to develop an entire comedy routine based upon getting someone out of the audience.  So, in 1989, I decided to get a guy out of the audience, put a "Sonny" wig on his head and do an improvised comedy routine wherein I sang "I Got You Babe" with him.  I developed jokes, comebacks, and basically used my comedic talents to make this part of my act the highlight.

In fact, I now see most of the real female Cher acts out there copying ME by doing the comedy bit I created!  How funny is that?  They even use the very lines I worked so hard to develop.  But, I figure that I am copying someone too, (the real Cher), so what's the difference?  LOL!

Over the past few decades, I've done almost everything a person can do as an impersonator.  I've starred in the biggest shows, I've appeared on numerous TV shows, I was featured in a book about the real Cher, I toured with TV Land to promote the network when it premiered, I've given workshops, helped other impersonators, performed for charity shows and the list goes on.

I've gotten my look down so well that on Cher's birthday this year, a Yahoo News story mistakenly placed a picture of ME in between three other pictures of Cher!  How's that for a compliment!

I also won an award given to impersonators at an annual convention called the "Reel Awards."  The award was a "Lifetime Achievement Award."

So, Wolfie, the next time you think we impersonators are making too much money for our twenty minutes on stage, or that we are somehow not worthy of your admiration, think about how much time, effort and talent goes into being one of the top celebrity impersonators IN THE WORLD!  You were fortunate enough to be placed in a position to help cultivate a show filled with the best of the best.  Instead of appreciating the rare and fine diamonds placed in your charge, you pushed them aside as a necessary evil and placed them on a shelf below that of your own "gems."

You are an extremely talented artist in your own right, Wolfie.  But, that does not give you free reign to squash the very lifeblood of the theater under your care.  You had an opportunity to create something magical.  You could have had your own dreams too, had you not placed the impersonators in an enemy position to your own goals. 

And such is the lesson contained herein.  Respect the talents of others.  Don't be a wolf so hungry for your own success, that you eat away at the success of others.   For a candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle.  But, the world is dimmed to the degree that you blow another out.  In Wolfie's case, he not only tried to blow out the impersonator's candles, but in doing so, he did not leave enough light for his own dreams to be realized.

The Beating Goes On

While some people find joy in being another person, I have found it to be a gilded cage.  Performers at large are easy prey for those with vampire personalities.  By vampire personalities, I am referencing those who feed off the talents of others while exploiting them for their own personal gain.

Yes, there are perks to being in a top impersonation show.  You make a good living for spending a short amount of time on stage.  You also get to bask in the wake of the real celebrity's fame.

Now, let's talk about the down side.   If you impersonate a character such as "Cher," it takes you over two hours to get into make-up, costume and wig.  Your make-up, costume and wig have a high dollar initial cost and a constant maintenance cost.  You have to diet and exercise all the time.  Since you are speaking and singing like someone else, your own voice gets jacked to the point of ruining it.  People look past you and only see another person.  You can sometimes lose yourself and your own talents.  You make other people a lot of money.  Those other people will usually play games with your head as a means of control.

Even with all of the down side to consider, it is still a much better way to earn a living than working four or five hour shifts in a lounge band.  Well, maybe not creatively speaking.  But, physically and financially speaking.

Looking back over the past twenty-something years of donning wigs, platform shoes and fake tattoos, I can honestly say I would have changed the way I did a few things.  Mostly, I would have found a way to create a better environment for my fellow impersonators so they would not have to come out the other side of their career with teeth marks on their necks.

If I sound bitter, please understand that I am both grateful and angry.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to have a better job than most.  I guess you'll have to read my blog to find out about the angry part.  I'll be filling you in on the roller coaster rides, the Nazi hotel owner, the nice producers, the not-so-nice producers, the crazy performers, the wanna-be performers, the amazingly talented performers, the divas, the audiences, the fans and more.  I'll recount stories, lament, vent and explore the age-old question, "To Cher or not to Cher."