Trading Spaces: Elvis versus Cher (Part 3: The Not-So-Grand Finale)

Okay, so you know your girlfriend, Janell, is a neat freak.  So, when you are standing in her office looking down upon a ton of shredded paper that you've just been asked to glue upon your friend's wall, what do you do?  Well, you can explain to the designer, Hildi, that your friends hate clutter and that they have two little kids who will pick the pieces of paper off the wall and eat it!  Will it do any good?  NO!

So, tens of thousands of little pieces of shredded paper ended up on Matt and Janell's wall, along with inside plexiglass columns used for a desk.

Oh, and speaking of plexiglass columns...my husband, Gene, was asked to hold a piece of one of those columns while the glue dried.  Unfortunately, his finger got GLUED to the column for OVER AN HOUR while they figured out how to free him!  I was so upset because he needs his fingers to play his horns and piano, not to mention for other things.  They were asking around as to the best way to unglue him.  I suggested acetone, but there was none to be found in the house.  So, I called my sister and asked her to bring some acetone to the set.  She did.  Gene's finger was soaked and drowned in acetone and then, the star of the show, Paige Davis, took a razor blade and shaved his finger free.  I was NOT amused.  I wanted to take the razor to my husband's finger myself.  But, Paige did a good job and we were able to move onto our next chore.

The joy of varnishing wood in closed quarters!  Yes, the smell, the fumes, the HIGH!  I had to quit and leave this task to my husband with the now shaved finger.  The varnished shelves were not even fully dry when we had to assemble the bookcase.  Bummer.

Then came the reveals of our respective offices!  Thinking that I was going to reap the future promotion of my "WOWgirls" project (since I had mentioned it 74 times while taping,) I pretended to love the finished product of my office.  Let's see.  A cheap white rug was laid over my old black carpet.  My walls were now done in a pitiful version of Venetian plaster.  Cheap chairs and a bookcase were added along with some horrible chrome lamps.  I LOVED the WOWgirl painting on the wall, though.  It was copied from an original costume sketch done by a talented artist, costume designer and good friend, Rebecca Gaston.  Note, the original girl in the sketch had blonde hair, but since Janell was designated as the lead WOWgirl, she asked that the wall painting have brown hair like hers!  Love her for that!  LOL!

But, the name "WOWgirl" was NEVER mentioned in the show after creative editing out of my 74 attempts of promoting it.  So, no one even knew what the painting on the wall was even about.

My expensive Murano glass chandelier was taken from my spare bedroom and placed in the ceiling of my new office along with the two matching Venetian mirrors I had hanging in my guest bathroom.  Oh, and they put a few nice dings in my custom vanity while taking down those imported mirrors.  Nice.

My Italian fruitwood desk which I asked them NOT to touch, was now covered in material befitting a little girl's birthday party.  But, at least the curtains matched!  Yikes!

Oh, that's my friend, Matt Lewis, who plays "Elvis" for the Legends in Concert show at Harrah's here in Vegas.  What a good sport.  He and Janell had to now face THEIR office...

Needless to say, they were NOT happy!  Poor Janell!  She later told me that she was sooooo angry but she held it together.  But, there was more I had to tell her.  You see, they wanted to PAINT the lovely, tan Mexican tile that Matt and Janell had on their floor!!!!!  YES!!!!  They were going to PAINT the tile RED!!!!!!  Do you know how expensive that would have been to replace?  It went from the office and extended to the rest of the bottom floor of the house.  So, they would have had to try to match it as well!  So, I intervened when I heard them discussing this paint job.  I lied to them.  I said that Matt and Janell were only RENTING the house and that they really should not paint the freakin' tile!  They argued a bit, but the tile was left alone, thank God!

It took Matt five days to scrape the shredded paper off of the walls.  We were all left with horrific messes to clean up from the aftermath.

The floors were covered in dirt and debris.  Spoons and other items were left outside and our homes needed an entire cleaning.  Of course, they asked us at 2am if we wanted them to help clean up.  But, we just wanted them all to go away so we could get some sleep.

Was it worth doing the show?  NO!  Would we advise anybody else to do the show?  NO!  But, the crew was delightful to work with as were the stars.

Matt and Janell kept the bookcase and the desk in their office.  Everything else was changed.  As for my office, I decided not to move my pink chandelier out of there because they cut the chain and I could not find the extra pieces.  I also kept the WOWgirl painting that was done on my wall from an original costume sketch by artist and good friend, Rebecca Gaston.  Note, the original sketch had a blonde-haired WOWgirl, but since Janell was designated as the lead WOWgirl, she asked them to give the painting brown hair like herself.  I love her for that!  LOL.

Everything else was taken out of there except for one little tacky decor item which I now cherish.  You see, the designer had purchased a small, blinged out picture frame for my office but they did not have a photo to place inside of it.  So, Matt fetched a picture of himself as "Elvis" and humorously placed it inside of the frame.

This little item will forever make me think of my admiration for my friends, Matt and Janell.  But, it also serves as a constant reminder that LAUGHTER IS KING!

Nothin' But A Hound Dog

Las Vegas is a uniquely decadent environment created by mobsters such as Bugsy Siegel and then artistically re-fashioned by visionaries like Steve Wynn.  The lure of something-for-nothing, of being promiscuous or over-indulgent; these are the concepts responsible for its nickname, "Sin City."

How the King of Rock-and-Roll has remained a constant fixture in the city's pop-culture is beyond my comprehension.  But there he is, enshrined by those hundreds of jumpsuited, sideburned, pompadoured Elvis impersonators.

Amongst this flock of "E-gulls," a few fly above the rest.  Their talent allows them entrance to a royal club of professional entertainers.  The throne in that club has always been the coveted Elvis spot in "Legends in Concert," a show which was at the Imperial Palace for over twenty years and now resides at Harrah's.

While most of the "Legends" acts rotated every few months, the Elvis was and is a permanent closing act, replete with huge set pieces, costume changes and multi-media support.  I too, was awarded the opportunity to be a permanent fixture in the "Legends" show for years.  This gift was bestowed upon me by John Stuart, the then show's creator/owner.  So, I experienced a firsthand view of the revolving door as numerous Elvi (plural) came and went.

For the most part, they were all great entertainers with good heads on their shoulders.  But, many years ago, there was one Elvis who really stood out, and not in a good way.  (IT IS NOT THE CURRENT ELVIS, WHOM I ADORE MADLY)  Over the years that we shared the same stage, he morphed into an egotistical, womanizing, cheating, degrading dick.  (I tried not to use the word "dick" because I like to think I'm eloquent enough to find a proper synonym.  But, "dick" is just too perfect for this guy.  Thus, the word stands.)

It was sad, really, because he started out with the promise of a young, handsome actor/singer with potential far beyond that of an impersonator.  Then, his wandering eye (and other parts) became as disgusting as his diva attitude.  I remember one night, he told the other impersonator acts that we were all merely opening acts for him!  What?

It is a professional courtesy that if you are going to change something in your act, you should first inform those involved in that act.  Well, one night, he decided to change the key on a song in his set.  He neglected to tell the two, young background singers of this change.  So, when that song played out in a higher key than the norm, those two, sweet girls were taken off guard.  They flubbed some of their parts, and understandably so.

To add insult to injury, this dick (oops, I said it again) proceeded to later ad-lib new words in the finale` of the show which verbally attacked (in song) the two, young singers!

I was livid both professionally and personally.  So, I took him aside backstage and told him these words:  "You are a star in this show and should lead by example.  First, it was unprofessional of you to change the key of your song without telling the singers.  But, to then degrade them publicly, in front of an audience who paid good money to hear you sing 'Viva Las Vegas' with the correct words rather than your 'let-me-tell-you-how-bad-the-singers-are' version, is just ridiculous!"

Of course, when you irritate a dick, it's bound to get bigger.  (Sorry, couldn't resist)  The next thing I know, he is in the wings while I'm doing my quick-change and he's literally blocking me from being able to make my entrance back onto the stage!

Oh, and then there's the time he thought it would be funny to kiss the top of my breastbone!  Excuse me?  I asked him how he'd like it if someone did that to his wife and then I hauled off and punched him in his stomach!  At least I aimed higher than where I wanted to hit him, but that's how I roll.  I try to take the higher road.

For the most part, the various Elvis impersonators with whom I have worked have been a sheer joy.  It's takes a whole lot of talent to step into the real King's blue suede shoes!  So, I'm happy to report that "one bad Elvis don't spoil the whole bunch!"  And it may even comfort you to know that Elvis impersonators, especially the great ones, are very special indeed!  I love all my Kings (and Queens) in Vegas!